The impossible has happened. I got burned again.
My third attempt to submit a short story was met with a long, dead silence. Curious, I checked out Dark Valentine‘s website again, only to find out that they shut down their ‘zine indefinitely. Now their website is a graveyard-like archive of downloadable back issues, ending with their summer issue.

“All good things must come to an end, and with this, the anniversary issue, we are ending Dark Valentine magazine. The decision to cease publication was not an easy one…”

Why do announcements like this seem like an industry standard these days? Are we not clicking the ‘donate’ button enough or what?

Anyway, guess they figured we’d eventually do our homework and find out the hard way, but a simple Email would’ve meant the world to me … maybe even a nice form letter saying it’s okay to start submitting elsewhere. Because the problem with this is I don’t know if anyone in the industry has bothered to read my stuff or if they’re just throwing it in the trash bin.

This is disheartening, to say the least. Am I the unluckiest writer in the world? There’s a void in my heart that only an acception letter a rejection letter a-response-letter-of-any-kind can fill. I just need to gather the motivation to do it again. But it’s not looking good, since my net gain is zero for the amount of effort I’ve put into it.

1. I still haven’t gotten a rejection letter for my short story submittal.
2. Brian’s starting to show some interest in having writing sessions with me again.
3. Merrilee’s decided she’s writing 100 words for 100 days, with an open invite for all who’d like to give it a try.
I found Merrilee’s challenge inspiring and decided to join in. Currently, we’re on day 16. I’ve missed a few days, but I’ve definitely been showing a healthy interest in writing again–Don’t wanna jinx it, though.

Dear Diary,

I owe you an apology: I haven’t written much of anything these past few months. And not just in you. Truth be told, I’ve not written even a fraction of what I’d hoped I’d have done by this time of year.

And I was afraid of this. I read about the phenomenon known as writer’s block way back when I was getting started in writing so many years ago and I wish I hadn’t; It really got into my head like a virus. I started wondering if that would be me one day staring at a blank sheet of paper. And it became a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It got to be so bad that I started hoping for some kind of Breakthrough Event that would shatter my mental wall and usher me into some kind of new enlightened lifestyle where I would write more often and have much more confidence while doing so. I’d watch a great movie or read a great book and wonder if it would be ‘the one’, that story that would inspire me so much that I would change my ways and finally focus on my work. Worse, I’d wonder if I’d start writing more if I had some kind of close brush with death, something that would make me realize and appreciate my own mortality … something like a car accident, maybe?

Morbid, huh.

But it all comes back to the fact that I’m simply not writing. I mean, this is the most I’ve written in … what? A few months now? I mean, come on, this is pathetic!!!

The truth? That shining light of inspiration is never going to come, is it? As I’ve been told many times, it’s always been about blood, sweat, and tears, and I don’t think I have it in me. I can’t do it alone, anyway. I can’t.

I still haven’t heard back on my short story yet, but Brian did get his first rejection letter. I find it a little strange that he’s gotten his first rejection letter before I’ve gotten mine, considering my years head start on him, but I congratulated him and was cordial, of course. He’s been thinking about getting it framed and I think that’s a great idea. I might do that with mine, too. Hopefully I’ll be getting it soon?? I expect I’ll take it well– The rejection, I mean. I’m coming to accept the fact that I’m just an average writer, nothing special. And that’s fine. I’ve got to get back in the frame of mind that I’m writing for myself. That might be the key right there.

Oh yes, I applied to college and was accepted there. Who knew that submitting a FAFSA, applying to a college, and getting accepted there is about 50 times more expedient than submitting a short story and hearing back on it? Haha…

Anyway, I’ve probably told you too much, Diary. I really should burn you now. But I suppose I’ll let you live … this time.

And yes, this little talk helped.

Yours truly,
-Nick